My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
