Grow some girl-balls and come out already
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I said "one day" and that day is not today
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
