i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
