Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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