And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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