Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
