i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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