If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
And then my night got REAL pukey
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
