You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
my being single is dangerous.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
