suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
