When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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