No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
