I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
