'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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