Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Randomize
