I'm going to jail i love you
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
