when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
kristin has been a bad kristin
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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