I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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