yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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