I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
