I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
