Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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