Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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