when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
