I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I wish i was in the wii world.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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