dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
