Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
it glows. i had to have it.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
