He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
