Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Alive.
So much puke
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
