my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize