you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
