me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I can't put those talents on a resume
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
