I hate all girls vehemently.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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