I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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