I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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