I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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