There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
