And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
splinters make it hard to masturbate
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize