the new term for farting is butt boxing.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize