come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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