PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
