I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
