Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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