So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize