I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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