He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
