Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
