My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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