If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
