So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize