Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
