he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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