Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
