I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
