plz talk dirty to me
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
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