Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Randomize
