just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'd cum for enchiladas.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
