): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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