yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
