he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
