Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Just pee around me
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
