Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I forgot wine drunk hurts
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
