I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
