So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
