idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
