He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Sorry about my life...
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
