Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize