My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
