i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
