Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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