sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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