so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Randomize
